Hard Vision |
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"Southlander" (DVD) Here's a rather interesting movie that I'm sure some of you will enjoy. There's a lot of extra stuff on here, which I won't go into detail about. I'm just gonna tell you about the movie. Because, if that doesn't do the trick, nothing will. Chance (Rory Cochrane) is a keyboard player who's trying to join a band that's about to go out on tour. To get the gig, he picks up this ultra rare '69 Moletron keyboard, which he came across in a music newspaper called the Southlander. That explains the title of the movie, huh? Anyway, he buys it from this fat lady for $100 and a bit of oral sex, which they don't show. But, they do suggest. Of course, he gets the gig and, while he's smoking pot and making out with the female vocalist of the band, Rocket (Beth Orton), his friend Rossangeles (Ross Harris) steals it from his car. Once Chance finds that the keyboard was stolen, he goes in search of it so as not to lose his gig...and that's where the fun begins. His search leads him to some interesting characters including a guy who thinks he's hot shit because he did a jingle for a candy bar commercial, a lesbian with a black eye and a thing for cats and a guitar shop owner who goes by the name Steely Danzig. While he's mixing it up with these people, Ross steals a record from a record shop and he's chased by the female owner who shoots at him and he ends up going to the home of Motherchild (Lawrence Hilton Jacobs III) a black, bass ass funk star who has a thing for tennis, vodka, a gun with a silencer and a white wife named Snowbunny. Ross gets wasted and he wakes up in a diner with his face in his breakfast and, from there, he has this weird fantasy thing that's something like a music video. Hungover and walking the street, he gets a ride from Chance, who's still searching for his stolen keyboard. They end up meeting Beck, who takes them to the home of a whacked out electronic musician who burns modern technology because he doesn't "feel" anything from it. Here's where we get the only nude scene in the film. An underwater shot of a very fuzzy woman named Jennifer McBain. She's hot. I'd do her. That's why I checked for her name in the credits and, yeah, thank God for the slow motion button on the DVD remote. I'm a sick puppy, what can I say? Anyway, the electronic musician goes belly up in the pool from too much coke and pills. He does a Brian Jones I guess you could say. Chance and Ross leave the party and the end up at a junk yard. Hank Williams III has a Sanford & Son moment here. Only thing is, he's a psycho who has a thing for guns. Chance and Ross find the missing keyboard and as they make their get away, Hank goes postal and brings out his, uh, guard dog, which happens to be a giant metal, fire breathing dinosaur. After making it out of the junk hard in one piece, they get pulled over by the police and they end up getting a beating and the car, with the keyboard player in the back, gets impounded. As they're walking down the road, Chance finally finds out that it was Ross who stole the keyboard in the first place. Why he doesn't beat the shit out of him, I'll never know. Anyway, when he goes to get his car out of the impound, he finds that they keyboard is once again gone. They end up at this space age jazz house and there they find that the keyboard was sold to Motherchild. So, it's back to the funk stars house. He's out playing tennis. But, his wife is there with the keyboard. While Chance plays a little number, Ross and the Snowbunny do some coke, a little dance and then they get down on the bed for, well, use your imagination. Chance decides to leave and, as he's doing so, Motherchild comes home, catches him with the keyboard and then figures something else is up in the bedroom. So, while he goes to see what's up with his woman, Chance leaves and he's soon followed by Ross in nothing more than his underwear and Motherchild right behind him with gun in hand. Then there's the chace scene, Ross takes a bullet and Chance manages to make it on the tour bus before the band leaves for their tour. The end. I left a few details out, of course. But, that's more or less the main event right there. It's an interesting story to say the least. Beth Orton is exceptionally sexy in an innocent sort of way. Just had to say that. Yeah. There's also some cool music to be heard here. You may like this movie, maybe you won't. But, after viewing it myself, I will say this...it's worth watching at least once. So, at least give it a chance and check it out. That's what I say. |