GWAR
"WE KILL EVERYTHING"
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They're baaaaaaack! Just when you think it's safe to go out there without getting clobbered, those mutant space creatures GWAR return with their latest Metal Blade album, "We Kill Everything." For the uninitiated, GWAR is not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill rock band, as you're about to find out. Just keep in mind the caveat I issued with my previous GWAR interview two years ago: They're from outer space. They don't know any better. (snicker) Here's David Brockie, otherwise known as Oderus Urungus, throat of GWAR: By Brynn McKenna BRYNN McKENNA: So how have things been with GWAR since our last conversation? ODERUS URUNGUS: Oh, fine! We've been very busy, sitting around in the Slave Pit doing absolutely nothing for almost a year straight. After our last record, we toured for about a year straight, we got home, we had absolutely no money because we spent it all on drugs and midget prostitutes. Basically, we sat around for a year crying. Just crying for a while because we failed so misterably yet again! We got to the point where we just couldn't sit around forever, so then I started getting into golf. I played a lot of golf there for a while, but it wasn't working out so well. I'm too violent for golf. Golf is not a violent sport. I was trying to popularize contact golf, but that didn't seem to go anywhere. Then we said, "Fuck it. We might as well make another record." So we made another record, put it out and then we're doing the whole damn thing that we do all the time, going around the whole country playing these ridiculous shows, drenching people with blood and the whole bloody mess starts again in about three weeks. BRYNN McKENNA: That sounds fun. ODERUS URUNGUS: I wouldn't do it unless it was fun. BRYNN McKENNA: Once again, for the sake of the uninitiated, would you care to indulge us with a refresher course in GWAR history? ODERUS URUNGUS: Well, there are two different theories about what GWAR is all about. First of all, we're a group of renegade scumdogs who were created by The Master to fight his eternal wars, but we fucked up so bad on an intergalactic scale that we were banished to the planet Earth to serve cosmic penance. There's the other version, that GWAR is just a bunch of pimply-faced ex-art-school dropouts who smoked way too much pot and came up with this idea as a desperate attempt to avoid getting real jobs. Whichever one you want to believe is fine. In fact, they both might be true! BRYNN McKENNA: "We Kill Everything" is musically great. ODERUS URUNGUS: Thank you! You're the first person who said that all day and I've done 10 interviews. BRYNN McKENNA: Nobody else likes it? ODERUS URUNGUS: Everyone hates our music. The only people who like our music are our fans, and they have basically no credibility at all in the music world. NO! Everyone loves the new album, everyone hates the last one, everyone loves the one before that, or hates the one before that. Everyone thinks "Scumdogs Of The Universe" is the greatest one. I only have one thing to say: You stupid motherfuckers out there who think that GWAR is a fucking show band are so fucking stupid---YOU GET UP HERE AND TRY TO PLAY, GODDAMN RECITE SHAKESPEARE AND PLAY MUSIC WHEN YOU'VE GOT EIGHTY POUNDS OF BLOODY LATEX ON, WHILE YOUR BRAIN IS BEING NIBBLED ON BY A GIGANTIC TYRANNOSAURUS REX! IT'S NOT EASY! I'll tell you another thing: IF GWAR WAS JUST A STUPID BAND THAT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO MUSICAL TALENT AT ALL, THIS THING WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER WITH A LONG TIME AGO! PEOPLE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SICK OF US STANDING UP THERE WITH A PRE-RECORDED SOUNDTRACK AND STARTED THROWING GARBAGE AT US EVERY NIGHT! The truth of it is, WE'RE NOT JUST MUSICIANS! WE'RE BEAUTIFUL MUSICIANS! INCREDIBLE MUSICIANS! WE MAKE GREAT ALBUMS! THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO LOVE 'EM, GODDAMN IT! And you're right, 'WE KILL EVERYTHING" IS AN AMAZING ALBUM! I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE IT!!! BRYNN McKENNA: It's better than most alternatrash. ODERUS URUNGUS: Alternatrash? What the hell is that? BRYNN McKENNA: That trendy shit that came out of Seattle... ODERUS URUNGUS: Oh, yes, you know---GWAR, in many ways, was a direct reaction against that. We got really sick of bands wearing flannel shirts, standing up there mumbling into a microphone about how depressed they are. People need SHOW, they need a show again in rock and roll. For the long time there, nobody was doing anything! Nobody was doing any kind of SHOW. It was just these mealy-mouthed WHINERS, going on in the mouth about their heroin addictions! BRYNN McKENNA: What is the significance of Scroda Moon and Porcelon, The Portal Potty? ODERUS URUNGUS: Well, Scroda is a long-lost scumdog who was actually shot to Earth out of the Master's cosmic butt-can, right about the same time that GWAR was. Unfortunately, he hit the moon instead of hitting the Earth and he was stuck on the moon for many millions of years. He finally got sick of waiting around for us, so he he had to swim through deep space to finally get here. He just got here and like he says in the song, "My name is Scroda Moon, I just showed up this afternoon..." Anyway, he's here now, and he brought with him this thing called The Tablet, which is an apocalyptic alien artifact. If GWAR can figure out what to do with it, they can escape Earth. But unfortunately, because we didn't really know who Scroda was when he showed up, we took The Tablet and broke it over his head. The pieces of The Tablet are scattered all over the Universe, so we have to use the powers of Porcelon, The Portal Potty. It's kind of a teleportation device, and if one shits and barfs into it enough, it will summon things that one is looking for. So, we're using Porcelon to summon the missing pieces of The Tablet so we can reassemble it, summon The Master, kick his fucking ass and escape Earth once and for all. Of course, this plan will fail. This is one of the things about GWAR, we're proud of the fact that we consistently fail miserably at everything we try to do. That's the gist of it! BRYNN McKENNA: I noticed that here is much more anti-Master sentiment on this album than in the past. ODERUS URUNGUS: Yeah, well, we're finally coming to grips with The Master this year. He's the biggest, baddest motherfucker in the entire Universe and we figure that if we can kick his ass, we'll have it made at that point. So we're setting our sights on The Master, trying to summon him---actually to the stage, destroy him and escape this planet once and for all. BRYNN McKENNA: So you really expect to see him soon? ODERUS URUNGUS: That I can tell you for sure, because I've been building him in the back room for the last five months. (laughs) BRYNN McKENNA: (laughs) So what do you plan to do with him when you confront him onstage? ODERUS URUNGUS: Smash him, hurt him, stick him full of swords---I don't really know how you can kill someone like that, but the basic GWAR philosophy is "Beat on it until it falls over." We might fart in his face, do a little dick slapping, maybe a little anal penetration. We're willing to do ANYTHING violent---maybe torture him. BRYNN McKENNA: Do you have a favorite song on this album? ODERUS URUNGUS: My favorite song on the new album---gee whiz---"Fuckin' An Animal." It's a catchy little ditty with an Irish jig beat. BRYNN McKENNA: There's a sticker here that says this is the special promo version of that song. Is there any difference between the promo and regular versions? ODERUS URUNGUS: Yeah, basically, what we did is---since we think it's such a brilliant song and it should be played on the radio---we did a version of it where we took all the dirty words and instead substituted samples of animals in pain. Actually, it's really catching on! People really seem to like it! In fact, this we're going to make a video out of it. I'M SURE YOU'LL SEE IT ON MTV!!! (laugh) BRYNN McKENNA: MTV hasn't played much music in years, and now the music they do play is nothing but whining. The whole thing is old and passe now. ODERUS URUNGUS: All MTV is now is a bunch of game shows. That thing, "The Real World" is about as UNREAL as you can get! Yeah, sure---a bunch of fake-ass beautiful children hanging around a multi-million dollar apartment---yeah, that's pretty real! They suck anyway. BRYNN McKENNA: They're actors, it's not real, but it's what the suits and ties want. What is the main goal of GWAR? ODERUS URUNGUS: One answer is to fucking escape Earth, get out of here, kill The Master and set ourselves up as supreme beings, and the other answer is to avoid getting real jobs for as long as possible. Either one of them might be true. Both of them might be true. BRYNN McKENNA: What is is the typical GWAR song-writing process? ODERUS URUNGUS: We all go to the practice stage and beat each other over the heads with our amps and guitars until finally one person just gives up and says, "Okay, YOU write the damn song." There's lots of humming involved. I HUM, they STRUM and I try to write sicker lyrics than for the song before that. So far, there seems to be no lack of creative JUICE. BRYNN McKENNA: I did notice that this album is much sicker than the last. ODERUS URUNGUS: Well, yes, a lot of our fans were very upset because they didn't think the last album was sick enough. We didn't, either. Last year we had a producer who said, "C'mon, guys, I really think we can get a radio hit!" Yeah, right! This year, we produced the record ourselves, so we didn't have anyone up there going, "Oh, my God, you just can't do that! Do you guys wanna sell records or do you just wanna fart around?" Well, this year we just decided we wanted to fart around, so that's what we did! BRYNN McKENNA: Nice and loud, too! ODERUS URUNGUS: Nice and loud, and it's FUNNY! There are all kinds of sick songs like "Fuckin' An Animal." Quite frankly, we're delighted with ourselves! Actually, there's also a lot of actual farting going on in there---those were actually recorded in the studio, you know, kind of by accident. We're just doing the track, (fart noise), "Oh, Oderus, you farted! Let's just leave it in." A normal producer would go, "Oh, no, let's do that over again!" But we actually saw the farts as something good! BRYNN McKENNA: Any more albums in the making? ODERUS URUNGUS: No, we do one about every year and a half, two years. It takes a while and takes a lot out of us to do it. We'll tour this one to hell this year, then we'll probably sleep for about six months and then we'll start the whole damn thing up again. BRYNN McKENNA: Tell us about your new mini-movie. ODERUS URUNGUS: Well, it's called "It's Sleazy." It's going to be about Sleazy P. Martini's talk show. It's the GWAR version of the Jerry Springer Show. We'll be working on that this fall once we finish touring. There will be guest appearances by various celebrities and of course, GWAR will be the house band. I think Elvis will be appearing, Marilyn Manson will be on it, various rotting corpses and The Master will show up as well. BRYNN McKENNA: What would you do to him on TV? ODERUS URUNGUS: Oh, I don't know. Fight him, Fight him, FIGHT HIM AND KILL HIM! BRYNN McKENNA: Right on the air? ODERUS URUNGUS: On the air, of course! I'm not afraid of on-air killing! Introduce the guest and attack him immediately. BRYNN McKENNA: The Jerry Springer Show MAGNIFIED. ODERUS URUNGUS: Oh, yeah. There's basically no talking involved. The set is set up like a boxing ring. As soon as you enter the set, you're embroiled in a red-hot battle. BRYNN McKENNA: I understand there is a miniature GWAR war game and other goodies available? ODERUS URUNGUS: Demon Blade Productions is doing a GWAR board game kind of like the Warhammer type of thing, but's got GWAR lead figures that you use a complicated system of rules and dice to pretend you're them and you fight each other. I don't know what the hell people would want to do that for, but if you wanted to do it, you'd actually be able to spend your hard-earned money and do just that! BRYNN McKENNA: It might be a good way for some people to get their frustrations out. ODERUS URUNGUS: Right, right, sure, it might be better than sticking a penguin up one's ass, but people can do it and we'll have them for sale on tour! BRYNN McKENNA: It would be much better than road-rage, too! ODERUS URUNGUS: Much more creative. Yeah, you paint your little figurines any color you want, they're miniatures, only about an inch and a half tall. BRYNN McKENNA: Where can people find them besides the tour? I don't think one will be able to find them in Kmart, Wal Mart or anything like that. ODERUS URUNGUS: Probably not. You can probably find them in specialty shops, game shops, places like that. BRYNN McKENNA: Anything else you want people out there to know about? ODERUS URUNGUS: Well, before GWAR there was a band called Death Piggy, which was my old band and it kind of mutated into GWAR. I finally got a CD together called "Smile Or Die" that has all the Death Piggy singles that I'm going to be selling on the road this year, so everyone get ready for that. A lot of people have been bugging me about that for a long time and I finally got my shit together and I'll be putting it out this year. Besides that, that's pretty much it! We'll be touring our little butts off this year, go buy our new record, keep supporting GWAR and just as long as you keep doing that, THERE WILL BE A GWAR! You don't want us to stop doing GWAR because a world without GWAR would be a sad, sad world. Copyright 1999, BallBuster, The Official Int'l Underground Hard Music Report |
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